Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
