shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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