I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
