I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
