you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Couch. On fire.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
