So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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