my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
