Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
