i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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