I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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