the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
