R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
