hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
