oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
