Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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