Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
