yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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