Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
