Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
