i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
