Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
