Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
a search helicopter?!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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