The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize