My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
