i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
