The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We got so high we made milksteak
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
