I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
