i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
