Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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