I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
