It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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