So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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