I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
