Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize