Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
