You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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