i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
