Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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