I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I need to align my fucking chakras
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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