if i can run in heels then i can drive
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
