Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
