dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
