I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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