I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
