i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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