Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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