ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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