i need an iv and a liver transplant
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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