I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
