The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Someone signed my nipple.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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