butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
