You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
