your parents love me but you hate me
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
