google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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