I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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