Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
