I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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