I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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