I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
