So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
