You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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