The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
