I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
