He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
